Sure, the Academy Award nominations predominantly go to the documentaries about how much it sucks to be a kid in Africa. Or an adult in Africa. And once the Africans figure out that not shooting each other and not hacking each other to pieces with machetes are the better ideas, you’re still going to have documentaries about how much it sucks to be an antelope or a fish in Africa— but this would make for a much more level playing field.

And hey, even then they may truly be better, more compelling movies than seeing successive layers of rendering added to a wireframe model of a blue alien warrior and his space motorcycle.

In fact, it’s entirely probable. The thing is, we can’t do anything about any human or fish part of Africa here in America, or even really discuss it— not while Bruce and James are out there looking to destroy the good name of marriage for some deviant agenda, like keeping Bruce’s family from taking the house after he dies and selling it. We could try passing constitutional amendments defining Africa as a place where people don’t die violently by the thousands every day, but we really only can tell two consenting adults what to do if they’re American, so it doesn’t behoove us to know anything about why you keep consenting to shoot each other.

On the other hand, seeing the space motorcycle up close and hearing about what it’s supposed to be capable of may help us defeat it later on.

Sorry Africa! Maybe if you knuckleheads started holding hands in public— ones that are still attached to another living guy, I mean. Then it would be a hot topic. Otherwise, you guys are on your own for now as far as figuring out how to stop fighting. We don’t even speak your language anyway, so we’d be bad peacemakers. But there is some hope, because we know you can speak English if you try, and it just so happens that one of the lessons that Halo 3 looks ready to teach all of us is “finish the fight”, because that’s the final message as its trailer ends.

So the trailer’s soon to be released “Making Of” documentary may just provide you valuable hints about finishing your fights apart from my own personal hint, “stop trading all that fish you catch and the diamonds you dig up for AK-47s and machetes.” But mostly I think this documentary will probably be computer screens showing scrolling code and pieces of scenery being rotated back and forth. Maybe there’ll be a shot of a motion capture or voice recording session.

Ultimately, though, you have to admit this probably has a better shot of solving the problems in Africa than other Academy Award-nominated documentaries, so take note Oscar! Don’t dismiss this important documentary about the making of a teaser trailer; sure, that may seem to be a trivial subject, but you gave the award last year to a cute baby penguin snuff film.

Read - Bungie Weekly Update [Bungie.net]

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