Metafuture » Gaming Lifestyle

Wrestling Fans Don’t Choose Cena

MJG — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 03:26:38 +0000

Gamers tend to also be fans of pro wrestling because their entertainment qualities just naturally feed off of each other. They can provide anything from absurdist humor, to this trenchant and to-the-point commentary on the wrestling skills of one John Cena:

Zidane Is Out Of The Picture

MJG — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 01:17:00 +0000

You’re the beautiful star now, dog.

Zidane’s Headbutt Inspires

MJG — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 13:29:33 +0000

Most Americans don’t like soccer, mostly because it’s a game entirely comprised of people falling over as soon as someone else touches them. We already have a televised diversion in which the participants pretend to get hit a lot harder than they really did. It’s called pro wrestling, and wrestlers are a billion times better at it than soccer players, because they have to do it while actually getting some of the crap knocked out of them.

So there. But the World Cup final between France and Italy had a moment where the French team captain headbutted an Italian player, and you could almost believe for a second that the guy genuinely took a hard enough hit to fall down, and this inspired a couple of uncredited gamers to create the following GIFs:

Personally, I think even Rey Mysterio would have “no-sell”ed that.

Rich Japanese Cotton

MJG — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 19:43:25 +0000

Wish your DS Lite was a middle-to-old aged rural Japanese woman? Hey, who doesn’t? Take the first step by dressing it up in an imported carrying case made out of kimono print fabric.

Read – DS Lite Cotton Covers [Popgadget]

Gamers: A Professional Movie

MJG — Thu, 15 Jun 2006 22:21:37 +0000

I suppose if the upper-middle-aged comedian intelligentsia is too busy with A-list self-congratulatory freak magnet subcultures to get to ours, then this will be as good as it gets for now.

Honestly, just the fact that Christopher Guest comes to mind before, say, Pure Pwnage should be enough to make up for the caveat that this unimaginatively-titled movie hasn’t been picked up for even a tiny theatrical release.

If you’re like me and are the type that doesn’t mind that Jamiroquai is a Stevie Wonder ripoff because even Stevie Wonder isn’t ripping himself off enough, then click here to help pass a few more minutes waiting for For Your Consideration.

[Thanks, Destructoid]

Videogames That Teach

MJG — Wed, 14 Jun 2006 00:08:22 +0000

Courtesy of dumb “adult” game Frank’s Adventure 4, this is one conversational contingency plan with a wide range of utility:

Try it out now:

“Sir, if I could have a moment of your time…”

“Wowee, I don’t know anybody at this party!”

“Hottiepally whispers, ‘u want to do 5 man scholo?’”

“We have no problem with you airing our errors to the world (we do the same by keeping our updates public), but I’d like to think you’d simultaneously alert us to them as a professional courtesy.”

Night Trap: SOLVED

MJG — Sun, 11 Jun 2006 04:50:21 +0000

Attentive reader and danaplatologist Andrew sent in this link to a video a manly man (from the unmanly-named site GameChew) made of his perfect score in Night Trap.

In case you didn’t know, Night Trap is a Sega CD game that had full motion video of girls in their pajamas. That scandalous motif and Mortal Kombat’s spine-ripping and immolation were hot topics in Congress, and are thought of as the impetus behind the creation of the ESRB, allowing us to have titty oracles and off-screen threesomes in God Of War. Thank you, Night Trap.

I should amend: the big video is an almost perfect run, and there’s a link to the end of a truly perfect run, if you manage to trap all the vampires without also trapping the elite anti-vampire trooper from S.C.A.T. (guten tag to all our visitors from German search engines) in the run-up to the climactic boss ~~battle~~ trapping. And seeing the 100% end makes you realize that the people who made it did in fact have some sense of decency. Oh no, that means the ESRB is a sham!

Look – Night Trap Take 2 [GameChew]

If You Hate The Wii, You’ll Really Hate This

MJG — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 20:42:45 +0000

Because I think the Wii is great and I hate it. It’s called loopScape, but it should probably be called Super Dizzy Concussion Time. Run around the LED donut display so you can see your ship and dodge your opponent’s on-screen shots, while also dodging his off-screen careening fleshiness.

The one saving grace about this is that even though it’s a senseless mad science videogame-ish project, it somehow manages not to riff on Super Mario Bros. but rather Defender.

Vector-Scan [via WMMNA]